Therapy and insight can bring us to walk around the hole.  But then we need a lot of courage and encouragement to help us make the conscious choice to take that different street.  The blessing and curse of recovery is that we become fully aware of what we’re doing.  We outgrow denial.  We stop lying to ourselves.  We learn to pray for the help and discipline we need to walk down our own intended street.

Bit by bit, our days begin to flow more easily.  We make plans, we’re more responsible and effective.  But we’re no longer driven.  At first, we may think that operating in a lower gear means we’re not working hard enough.  But before long we discover that we’re actually producing more and delivering a better quality of life to ourselves and to those around us.

We learn to trust and be guided by an intuitive, organic part of ourselves that we can’t really control.  And it’s that very lack of control that’s so exciting and scary – like an orgasm.  As we welcome ourselves into the world of intuition, we join a sisterhood of like-minded women who respect themselves, whilst continuing to own and embrace all the pain and joy of their lives.

For people like us, the outcome of all this effort and confrontation proves to be worth the price.  We begin to gain the right things, the right way – a body we’ve come to love and appreciate; our personal integrity; and a deep sense of inner knowing, trust, and peace.  The further we travel, the more we become who we always were.  We find ourselves facing life with a childlike wonder, coupled with a woman’s wisdom.  The fear and rage were all cover-ups.

We find, to our surprise, that we look and feel much younger and healthier than we did when we started this journey.  And other people are noticing it and telling us so.  So what has changed?  We haven’t had a face lift.  It’s been a lift all right, a spirit lift – a lightening of fear and the emergence of courage.  We’re lighter, but now grounded in the good and steady company of our Inner Self.

This connection with the Inner Self unites us with more power, wisdom, and confidence than we ever thought possible.  We find ourselves standing solidly on the Earth as whole beings.  We have an organic integrity and a healthy sense of self.  With this feeling of wholeness comes a sense that anything is possible.

We find ourselves doing more in a week than we used to do in a month, and with energy to spare.  That energy comes from more than just eating appropriately.  It comes from tapping into a whole new source of energy – the wellspring of life.  And we’re learning to trust this energy because it’s made us survivors.  No matter what life throws at us, we bounce right back.

We continue to do the footwork we need to change and to keep living our new lives.  And, just as importantly, we meditate, create peaceful alone time for ourselves, and practice loving self care.  We listen to and honour our Inner Self.  Then, when it’s time to get out there and participate in life, we do so with renewed energy and courage, following our intuitions.

We don’t have to work as hard as we used to to get things done.  We send out our intent in a burst of energy, and then sit back and wait for what comes next.  We create an atmosphere of cooperative interaction with everyone and everything in our lives.  Together, we create a third reality – not my reality, or your reality, but OUR reality.  We’re all in it together.  It’s like making love with the whole world!

We discover that we love our alone time, that we are content with our lives.  We keep ourselves focused on, and engaged in, things we find stimulating.  We bring people in as we feel the need, and we also keep to ourselves when necessary.  We now hunger for the filling we get from accessing that resonant empty place within.  We’re shedding our fears of not being liked or accepted.  Instead of wondering if we’re liked, we continue TO BE SOMEONE WE LIKE.  We want to surround ourselves with people who like this person, too, people who can share and benefit from the journey we’ve all been on.  We’ve given up on old, stuck patterns of relationships, as well as a number of old friends who haven’t been able to grow and change with us.  We now seek relationships that encourage us to open up.  We can no longer spend time with experiences or in relationships that force us to shut down.

We’ve come to trust and follow the wisdom of our organism.  Because of this our food consumption is moderate and healthy on most days, and we know how to listen to our body, as it keeps us conscious of how we’re living.

In learning to trust ourselves, the more we learn to trust that a Higher Energy than ourselves is operating in our lives.  We take full responsibility for the life we’re fashioning, but we also remain open and available to “a little help from our friends.”  This rebirth of the Self allows us to consume less, and to open up and let go more.  Our journey into consciousness has taken hard work and a great deal of love and help, but it’s been worth every step.”

From the book “Fat and Furious” by Judi Hollis

I’m clearing To FAT and back out by reducing the price to just $10 (including postage).

If you’re one of the first two people you can get both books for $30 otherwise a bargain of just the second for $10.

Click here to go to the payment page.

Dear 2011

What an amazing year you have been.  Thank you for all the great times, hard times and in between times.  For all the lessons I have learnt.  For the beautiful people you have brought into my life.  For the dreams you have fulfilled.  The love you have allowed me to share and be shared with me.  For showing me that living today as if I was to die tomorrow is one of the greatest gifts I could receive.  For helping me understand that in the daytime when I can’t see the stars they still exist and in the nightime when I can’t see the sun it exists too and so it is the same with darkness and the light.  Thank you for helping me to continue walking the freedom path for this is the ultimate life and a life worth living.

2012 – I’m excited!  Bring it on!  I look forward to continuing to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.  For who am I not to be!

Who would I have been if I had never been a compulsive eater?  The experience is now so much a part of me that any answer can only be speculative, but I do not think I would have been the kind of person I like to know.

My compulsion has given me a grateful softness.  It is the softness of knowing deep down that I am who I am because of those who have loved me.

I had fought against my eating disorder.  I had to learn to embrace it.  In embracing my weakness I was rescued from what I perceived as my strengths.  I was saved by my weakness.”

excerpts from the book Fat is a Spiritual Issue – My Journey, Jo Ind.

It seems only fitting that I share someone elses words as if they could have been my own, especially at this time of year being the festive, Christmas season.  It’s been “the best Christmas ever.”

… is to be with my family.

Hubby and the kids left on Sunday morning for the 10 hour drive to our hometowns.  Because I had college on I stayed home and am flying down tomorrow.  Smart move hey .

However, I though I’d love the time alone to do whatever I please but in all honesty I’ve been wishing the days away so that I can be with them again.  I didn’t realise how much I would miss them.  Once upon a time, I would have jumped at the chance to spend some time on my own.  But these days it’s different.

I have managed to squeeze in, amongst college, two massages, read a book, finished making Dave’s xmas present (a photo frame with me and the kids and a note saying “We love you so much” to put on his desk at work – he loves stuff like that), called a couple of girlfriends, and some general bumming around.

One more sleep on I’ll be on that jet and with them all again .

So, I guess it’s goodbye for 2011, another wonderful year, which was filled with lots of fun, love and laughter and some tears too.

I look forward to 2012 being another fabulous year.

Merry Christmas Y’All.  Eat, Drink and Be Merry .

It’s been a little while I know.  I’ve been busy, having fun, worrying and stressed.

Rewind back to Friday the 2nd and after school was Jayden’s 8th birthday party, Saturday the 3rd both Dave and Jayden’s birthday, Sunday 4th Sofie’s 12th birthday party, and then Monday I started College.  Tuesday night Sofie’s graduation.  Thursday morning was the fourth of five personal one-on-one qi gong sessions learning the “five element qi gong” exercises.  Friday, my favourite Aunty, whom I haven’t seen in like 11 or so years came to visit.  Yesterday, was fun at Fern’s baby shower.

Now College.  I’ve taken on four subjects this semester – Counselling Psychology, Musculoskeletal Anatomy, Communication and Chinese Acupressure Massage.  The CP and Comm are shit easy with only an assignment at the end which I could do now .  However, MA and CAM are another ball game.

They completely freaked me out and I’ve been stressing so much and carrying it in my right shoulder which has been aching like a bastard and my periods are now a day or two late .

My concern is over retaining and remembering the information, come exam time.  There seems to be so much to remember and with an exam the first week back in January for MA I was worrying about when I’d get time to study being such a busy time of year.  Kids have now finished school and Jason and his girlfriend arrived yesterday for a week.

All these new words such as ossification, mesenchymal cells, osteoblasts, chondroblasts, periosteum and I’m like WTF?  As for channels and points – there’s hundreds of these magical spots.

I had a session with Vicky (http://www.purepossibility.co.uk/) on Thursday night and then a phone call with Katie (http://head-heart-health.com/) on Friday and I’ve come to the conclusion that what’s the worst that can happen?  I don’t pass and have to either resit the exam or redo the subject next semester.  Does it really matter if it takes me longer?  Being the perfectionist that I am I just want to pass and put so much pressure on myself.  And then, of course, I doubt myself and whether I have done the right thing and if I can actually do it?

All of this stress, pressure, doubt and worry is taking away from the excitement of learning.

I’m going to stick it out and just do the best that I can.  I want to enjoy learning new stuff and when exam time comes if I pass, great, if I don’t then I’ll probably be down on myself but hey I’m only human and shit happens.  And no doubt I’ll learn something along the way and about all this and myself.

So there you have it.  My exciting but stressful week .

Chocolate Mousse

Chocolate Mousse

2 tablespoons coconut oil

1/4 cup raw cacao powder

2 large avocadoes

About 8-10 tablespoons coconut milk (I started with 5 but then just poured)

2 tablespoons raw honey plus I added a bit of stevia for extra sweetness

1 teaspoon vanilla

grind of salt

Shredded coconut to serve (or cream or berries or chocolate or whatever tickles your fancy)

Place all ingredients into a blender then spoon into glasses and chill.  Simple and delicious.

**********************

I also made my own chocolate yesterday but didn’t take a photo.

1/2 cup coconut oil

2 tablespoons raw cacao powder

2 tablespoons raw honey

shredded coconut

Mix all ingredients together and pour into chocolate moulds.  They taste just like coconut roughs .

With three upcoming birthdays and Christmas I had a mountain of presents to buy which I finalised .  Now just to wait for the days.  We love birthdays and Christmas.

In preparation for husband’s work Christmas party on Friday night I spent some extra time getting pampered – spray tan, fingernail and toenails painted, refreshed the red hair and picked up some new jewellery.

I had thought about buying a new dress but recycled one from three years or so ago which I’d only worn once and I was impressed .

Teamed with new shoes which the Universe delivered

I felt a million bucks and was ready to rock .

And rock I did.  Apparently, I had “the moves like Jagger” .

As we entered the party we were given two lucky door tickets.  I said to Dave, “we’re gonna win this.”  He just rolled his eyes and smiled.  When they started drawing the tickets I said to him, “are you ready?”  Again, he rolled his eyes.  Then they called A02.  I just elbowed him and said, “told ya” and walked on up to pick out an envelope containing a $100 Westfield card.  I was cheerin’ .

The next day (Saturday) Dave and Jayden went to spend the voucher on a new Christmas tree.  We must have given our old one away before venturing overseas.  In fact, we gave a lot of stuff away thinking we may not come back!

Sofie and I stayed home for her to cook Daddy an early birthday cake since we won’t have time this weekend.  I just pottered, read and slept until it was time for my one-on-one Qi Gong session with Master Gigi.

Vanilla Sponge filled with cream, lemon curd icing and meringues

There was plenty of excitement in the afternoon when decorating the tree and finding all the decorations, Santa Claus, etc we purchased from the Nuremberg Christmas Markets and Santa Claus Village in Finland last year.

On Sunday we took Peppi to Nundah beach for a swim and play and the kids kite flying and then stopped in at Milany’s for gelato on the way home.

The magic continued with turning on the Christmas lights which Dave has been purchasing and hanging for the past couple of weekends in between his fluffing about (as men do ).  Sofie was not happy that we turned them on before 1 December (which has always been our tradition) but the rest of us were too excited to wait.

This is my last week as a “lady of leisure” as next week I start my Acupuncture/Traditional Chinese Medicine course on campus.  And yes, “I’m excited!”

It’s such a magical, exciting time of the year .

• My return to living in Australia (end of February) after a great and not so great travelling, to twenty countries of the world, experience.
• My body has returned to a weight that “I” and it are happy and comfortable with, where it has stayed for the past few months with many social engagements, partying, and trips away.
• I have self-published my two books.
• Got my (although it was really for the kids) first ever doggy, whom I love dearly.
• Decided to study Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine.
• Connected with some amazing people.
• Learnt Qi Gong, Bikram Yoga, and a little of some other Eastern exercises.
• Met Marianne Williamson in person.
• Raised nearly $400 with a guessing competition to help the people of Cambodia.

I’m sure there’s many more things but I guess these were some of the highlights for me in 2011.

It’s going to be an exciting December too with both Dave and Jayden’s birthdays on the 3rd, Sofie’s birthday on the 30th and of course, Christmas, starting my study on campus, baby showers (Fern and Nicole), Jason and his girlfriend coming to stay, going home for a week over Christmas, and the get togethers and celebrations that the festive season brings .